So many changes, some beautiful, some painful, and some I’m still trying to make sense of. Most of them will remain private, and I’ve learned to be okay with that. When I started this blog back in 2019, I took pride in being open and sharing pieces of my life with everyone. It was a place where I could be vulnerable, honest, and unapologetically myself. But life changes you.

There comes a point where you realize that not every chapter needs to be shared. Some things are meant to be lived quietly, processed privately, and understood in your own time. And perhaps that is one of the biggest lessons this season of my life has taught me, privacy doesn’t mean I’m hiding. Sometimes it simply means I’m protecting my peace.

There have been so many changes in my life this year. Some have been for the better, some have hurt more than I expected, and some completely caught me off guard. But looking back, I can see that each one came with a lesson. Some taught me about boundaries. Some taught me about letting go. Some reminded me of my own strength, while others showed me that I still have so much growing to do, even at my age. And through all of it, one thing hasn’t changed and it’s the loneliness that comes with losing the person you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with.

I don’t think people always understand that kind of loneliness. It isn’t necessarily about being alone. I can fill my calendar, surround myself with family and friends, travel, laugh, work, make plans, and keep myself busy, and I do. But there is still a quiet space inside that only exists because someone who was supposed to be there isn’t. For years, I think I carried the idea that moving forward somehow meant moving on. And that thought came with so much guilt and judgment. The idea of filling a void can feel almost wrong when the person you lost was supposed to be your forever.

Over the years, the reality of where my life is leading has become clearer. I don’t always know exactly what the next chapter looks like, but I know I don’t want to spend the rest of my life standing still. So I keep myself occupied. I make plans. I travel. I spend time with the people I love. I try new things. I say yes to experiences that scare me a little. And honestly, I’m learning to embrace the unknown.

I’m especially excited for another international adventure as I head to Thailand soon. There are a few things on my bucket list that I can’t wait to check off, including stopping in Korea and doing a little shopping along the way. I’m excited to open myself up to new places, new experiences, and whatever memories are waiting for me.

And this trip feels especially meaningful because of who I’m going with. It feels like a full circle moment. James and I rarely traveled outside of California. We didn’t travel alone without the kids very often either. I remember being at a cousin’s wedding with James, and as we were getting ready to call it a night, we started talking with our cousin. He looked at us and said, “You are too young not to travel.” That conversation stuck with us.

After that, we continued talking with him and his wife about traveling, where to go, what places they loved, and all the things we should experience. They encouraged us to get outside of California and see more of the world. They helped plant that little seed in us that there was so much more out there to experience. And now, years later, I’m going on one of those bucket list adventures with them.

There is something incredibly special about that. I’ve told them many times how much their encouragement meant to James and me, but I don’t think they truly realize the courage they gave me to continue these adventures after losing him. Because traveling without James wasn’t something I ever imagined I would have to learn how to do.

But here I am. Making memories. Seeing places I never thought I’d see. And carrying a little piece of him with me wherever I go. Maybe that’s what this chapter of my life is really about. Not replacing what I’ve lost, but making room for what is still possible.

Life has changed in ways I never could have imagined. Some of those changes broke my heart. Some healed pieces of it. Some pushed me out of my comfort zone. Some brought unexpected people and experiences into my life. And some forced me to look at myself differently. But every single one taught me something.

I’m learning that grief and gratitude can exist at the same time. That you can miss someone terribly and still be excited about what’s ahead. That you can love the life you had and still build a new one. That starting over doesn’t mean starting from scratch, you take every lesson, every memory, every scar, and every bit of love with you.

I don’t know exactly what the rest of this journey will look like.

I’m just going to keep going.

Keep traveling. Keep learning. Keep growing. Keep making memories. Keep checking things off that bucket list.

And most importantly, keep living.

Because if there is one thing I’ve learned through all of this, it’s that life is far too short to wait for the “right” time to live it.

So here’s to the next chapter.

To the unexpected turns.

To the adventures I haven’t planned yet.

To the places I haven’t seen.

To the people who continue to encourage me.

To the memories I’ll make along the way.

And to the person who taught me so much about love, life, and what it means to make the most of the time we’re given. James, I hope you’re somewhere smiling, knowing I’m still out here checking off that bucket list. One adventure at a time.