I am well acquainted with grief. My family has experienced much loss over the past couple of years. As I have mourned, I have also lost relationships, both with family members and friends. This has only compounded the grief I have felt. I have a better understanding of the importance of support during the hard times of life. 

I was my mother’s primary caregiver for several years. I continued caring for her as my husband went into hospice but I struggled doing everything alone with only the help of my daughters. Although I am not an only child, it felt that I was for many years. I was the only one providing for her because others didn’t think they had an obligation.  My outcries for help were often ignored unless there was something to gain.

It wasn’t easy taking care of myself and my children so I made the decision to move her to a private care home when my husband went in to hospice. Her new caregiver, Lindsey, has done an amazing job being there for my mother. She has taken care of her in ways that I cannot. For that, I am incredibly grateful. It was at the start of the Pandemic right after James passed away and it made it impossible for me to bring my mother back home. Not only did COVID make it unsafe, but I was not in any position to give her the care that she needed.

I think back to my relationship with my mom, it has not always been easy. There have been many turbulent moments in our relationship. Yet, over the past few years, we have bonded. We have grown to respect each other in a way that I never would have previously imagined was possible. Even though her caregiver lives with her and takes good care of her, I still help care for her needs. I do my part by picking up her prescriptions, paying her rent and other bills, providing for all her daily necessities, and other things as they arise. My daughters often surprise her with an ice cream or her favorite treat. Our options to see her are limited due to guidelines set by the property manager. Our visits usually consist of hanging out talking through a window.

I did pick her up to take her to see Christmas lights with my kids (my kids and I are vaccinated and took all the proper precautions), I realized just how much her health had been declining this day. Her laugh and smile are usually what I look forward to, but as I looked closer, I could see the exhaustion in her eyes.

My mom started hospice/comfort care recently in early January after several trips to the emergency room. She deals with advanced COPD and dementia. When discussing her condition with her doctor, he said that they could not do much more for her at this stage in her life. Hospice care was the only option. When we admitted her to hospice, she also tested positive for covid that same week. Thankfully, her symptoms were mild. She dealt with fatigue, loss of appetite, and thankfully did not develop a fever. With COPD and her breathing issues, we were very concerned since she was already on 24 hours oxygen. 

I hear the phrase “life is short.”  It is easily said, but often rarely reflected upon. I learned the true meaning of that phrase when my husband was going through his journey with cancer. Looking at my mother, I know that life is short. When it comes to spending time with her, I don’t want there to be any regrets. She needs to be checked in on. Loneliness is a reality for her. While I know that she does not remember every person in her life, she knows what it feels like to be loved, and being with someone, showing her love is often the best thing we can give.

What happens next? That’s the question I always ask myself. I know that she still has a lot of life left in her. I want to be there and give her the best life she can have. That’s how I felt about my husband, and I worked hard to show him that. I know that I can do the same for my mom.

If anyone feels compelled to, please reach out to her sooner rather than later. When the time comes, I will bring my mom home with me to be surround by those who took care of her when she needed it the most. However, in the meantime while she is still able to carry a conversation, show her you care.

THANK YOU, MOM! Thank you for loving me and giving me the peace of mind I need during these hard times.