Yesterday we received some news that we have been waiting for what feels like an eternity to hear.  

To be completely honest, we haven’t received any good news since September 6^th 2018, the day of diagnosis.  As each appointment passed, the news continued to get worse and worse and it felt like each time we were hit with a Mack truck.  I can never forget the day we attended the appointment where we were informed that his cancer had spread throughout his body and that the chemo was no longer working. In that moment I felt my heart shatter and had the feeling that I was about to lose everything.  

His oncologist remained optimistic and decided to put him on a new treatment plan after hearing good things during its trial. He started Immunotherapy in July of this year. We went into this with no expectations in an attempt to mask the fear that we were going to be let down.  During the first few treatments, his  scans and CEA markers were showing continued progression. This whole year has been a whirlwind filled with pain, anger, and disappointment after disappointment.  Prior to these past 30 days, James has experienced loss of appetite, extreme fatigue, daily vomiting, and a lot of muscle loss.  It wasn’t until our trip to Alaska where I started to see a difference in James again; it was like he was alive again.  Those smiles he so freely displayed are ones that I haven’t seen in a very long time.  Recently, during his last treatment, there was a little victory when the Oncologist shared that his CEA level had noticeably gone down.  This was the first time that we had seen an inkling of progress that gave a strong indication that it was going in the right direction.  He has slowly been getting his appetite back and with each passing day he is spending it less and less in bed and more outside the home.  

Yesterday James had his fifth thoracentesis and the amount of fluid removed was a little less than a liter.  This made me the happiest girl in the world because they have consistently been removing close to two liters of fluid at each treatment before today.  Not only did James have that done, he also had his scan to determine if the immunotherapy was working.  Please keep in mind that this plan is our last option for treatment so this was a huge day for us.  We went alone to this appointment and we knew we were both anxious. The silence in the car ride to the hospital spoke volumes about the uncertainty that we were both feeling.  As we walked into the hospital hand in hand, I looked over at him and asked if he wanted to pray together.  We then found ourselves in a small hallway tucked away in the main entrance hugging each other tight not wanting to let one another go.  In that intimate moment we prayed and then walked over to the Intravenous Radiology Department for his scan. 

After the appointments he came home with a slight fever, but nothing we were worried about.  I wanted to reach out to his doctor to make sure he knew this information and at 6:03 PM we received a call about the fever.  What felt like the longest 30 seconds of our lives ended up being one of the best moments that we’ve had in a very long time.  To our surprise he shared that James was showing no signs of progression and things looked stable, Wow, Just Wow!!!!  We’ve been waiting to hear something good for so long that it almost felt unreal at first.  I understand that to some it might not be great news, but knowing that he can continue this treatment and knowing that there is still hope means everything to us.  He has been given more time with us and more time to stand his ground and fight this disease.  It definitely is a daily battle and he is not fighting this battle alone.  The support from all of you keeps him going and there are no words that can describe how powerful and meaningful each and every one of you is to us.  

A few months ago we made the decision to preplan all his arrangements and picked our final resting place.  That was one of the most emotional things that we’ve done as a married couple, but we stuck together and got through it.  The goal was always to have it and not need it and I am overflowing with peace to know that it’s there, but more so that it’s not needed.  Every day is a gift!!.  I am still working on his bucket list and after yesterday’s call, I was given the green light to plan his next adventure.   

  Thank you everyone for your countless check-ins, prayers, dinners, rides, hugs, tears, smiles, and love.  His battle is our battle and we live to fight another day!