It’s been exactly five months and six days since my last post. I often find myself revisiting old entries, reflecting on how far I’ve come, or simply reliving the moments that brought me joy. One post, in particular, stood out that was titled “Don’t Be Afraid to Say I Love You” from September 2024. In that entry, I admitted that I had considered walking away from this blog entirely. But knowing my tendency to make impulsive decisions, I chose to give it a little more time.

Now, after much thought, I’ve made the difficult decision to close this chapter. This will be my final post on this site. This isn’t a decision I take lightly. Writing has been my therapy, my safe space, my way of processing life’s highs and lows. It has given me the chance to share my journey, to connect with so many of you, and to remind myself of the strength I’ve built along the way. But this post doesn’t mean I will stop writing altogether, it simply means I’m making space for something new.

Learning to Live for Tomorrow:  Unless you’ve walked this path yourself, it’s hard to understand that grief doesn’t have an end date. The love we have for those we’ve lost never fades, and neither does the sadness. We just learn to navigate life differently.

Over the past few years, I’ve watched friends and family build their lives; marriages, babies, career milestones, even losses of their own. Meanwhile, I’ve felt stuck in time, unable to fully move forward. My closet is proof of that.  Yes, I started cleaning it, but I never finished. If you walked into my bedroom today, you might think James still lived here. My mom’s belongings remain untouched in boxes, a reminder of my lingering regret. I regret the time it took for her and I to get as close as we were when she passed.

I’ve told myself for so long that I want to be happy. But now, I’m ready to do more than just say it. I want to live it. I want to focus on myself.  My kids are getting older, finding their own paths and I want to do the same without being dependent on them.  I was for a long time and that is not fair to them. They took care of me when I needed them the most and I will be forever grateful for that.

Honoring James, Five Years Later:  In exactly 19 days, it will be five years since James passed. To some, five years is a long time. To me, it still feels like yesterday. The pain hasn’t lessened, but I am choosing to celebrate his life. I want to honor him with love, with gratitude, and with the understanding that he never wanted me to be sad. There will still be tears, but they will exist alongside laughter, hope, and new beginnings.

A New Chapter!  I don’t know exactly what’s next. Maybe I’ll start a new blog, maybe I won’t. But what I do know is that I am excited for what is next.

To those who have been here since day one, you know who you are.  Thank you! Thank you for reading, for supporting, for simply being present.

This ride has been real. And I hope you’ll stick around to see where the next one takes me.

XOXOX – Bambi