I am now at a place in life where I do not have the time to sugar coat anything or say something that is not honest in order to make someone feel comfortable. It’s not right for anyone. I used to wonder what I would do without certain family members or friends in my life. While at one point I never could imagine life without them, I find that now I am strong enough to distance myself from anyone who does not truly desire a healthy relationship with boundaries. On my path of growth, I now fully understand the importance of creating a mentally and emotionally healthy environment for myself, my kids, and my home.

Family and friendships are naturally different. A family by definition is a group of at least one parent and their children living together as a unit. In-laws are those who are related by marriage. While relationships can be close, the natural inclination of a mother is to draw close to her children. 

Enablers are those people who encourage or enable negative or self-destruction behavior in another person. When another person has a life issue that needs to be solved, enabling that person to continue on a destructive path only hurts that person more. In the end, we are all responsible for our actions. Enabling another person always ends up not only hurting the enabler but also hurting others. Many people don’t realize this until the damage for all involved has become too great. Putting an end to enabling behavior is necessary for growth to take place. 

When it comes to my children and my home, I will always stand up for them when nobody else does. It doesn’t matter who it is. One thing that hurts me is seeing my children come in second. It’s not fair to them. This is a choice that every parent must make. Every child wants their parent to stand up for them and put them first. 

I felt the same about my husband. Even today, there is a lot of hurt present. I refuse to allow anyone a place in my life who was not there for him/us. Just because he is gone does not mean that my love for him is. He will forever be a part of who I am. I feel that there is no place in my life for those who watched others hurt my children or husband and did nothing. I apply the same guilt to the person who was an enabler as to the one who caused the pain. This is why I have separated myself. I feel that there is no need for an explanation in the matter anymore.