A while has passed since I posted last, 97 days to be exact. In my absence, I realized that I missed sharing life with you and keeping everyone updated on what is happening. I guess it’s been due to not having much to post about. Yet, things are happening, and now is a good time for an update.
While changes have been ongoing at home and in life, I find that feelings of grief and sadness still linger. I have had a mix of feelings about this blog. I have questioned whether I should keep it going or quit. I have considered taking it down, but do not want a momentary feeling to cloud my judgment on the matter.
The truth is, I do not think that I will ever want to stop sharing James with you all, at least not now. I look back on his life, and see that he was (and still is) loved by so many. Yet, I wonder if it has impeded my own growth. The memory of him consumes me. However, I love that I am consumed by thoughts of him, even in death. Yet, I can not help but wonder how others feel about it, and if I am sharing too much. I think: Has anyone said, “James is all she talks about” or “When will she let it go”. So for those of you who are ready to move on from hearing anything I have to say about my beloved James and my family, please feel free to unfollow the blog. No hard feelings!
I am still trying to live alone. Each day without him near is a challenge. I struggle with loneliness. I work through these feelings daily. Yet, one can not know how it is until they lose someone dear to them. James was (and still is) a part of me. His absence has left a hole in my life that I do not know if I can ever fill. Writing this blog has helped me to fill it as much as I can.
I hope that you still enjoy reading about my family. Deep down I know that I am not ready to give this up. I am happy to say that my kids are leaning on each other more each day. Our bond is growing. It is stronger than ever before. It is just us now.
Sometimes our home feels empty, even with all of us in it. Sometimes all we do is smile and share our laughter. At the end of the day, all we have is each other. While there is sadness, it is a beautiful thing to have a family to lean on and heal with during the hard times.
For those of you who want to stick around for the ride, thank you! Don’t forget to buckle up.
MOMENTS THAT BRING US TOGETHER 
I live your posts. I’m honored to listen (silently read) about how you are coming. As you say… Anyone whi doesn’t want to hear about is welcome to move along. This is YOUR blog. I say share as you see fit. James was a huge part of your life. It’s not easy to stop talking about thongs that ignite our passions, hurts, frustrations and victories. James knew he was loved and your family .
Your family didn’t let his passing make you anything less. That is a victory my friend. You and the kids are still such a strong, close knit community. That is a testament to your parenting and a reflection of James. That you still want to talk about him is not a surprise. You were always close. I am sorry, buy grief has NO time limit. It gets easier, but it is always lingering. Keep posting and enjoy reflecting on how very far you’ve all have come.
In the meantime, my seat belt is buckled. I am here. I hear you. And you are okay.
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